Quite Surmountable
by Chiefie
Summary: Written as a musical, this story shows how Arnold and his friends are able to deal with their trials and tribulations leading up to the annual Valentine's Day Dance. Scene 5 posted.
1. Introduction and Dramatis Personae

Introduction  
  
Hey there, and in case you haven't read any of my writing before; my name is Chiefie (formerly known as Chief on fanfiction.net). This story is one I am hoping readers will find a far cry from my other works, and for new readers, I hope they will enjoy this work and continue reading my writing.  
  
While much of this story has been concocted as a play, it could be looked upon as a series of Hey Arnold! episodes (musical episodes, anyway). I have written the script and the songs, and the characters and setting are copyrights of Viacom and Craig Bartlett.  
  
This story will be posted periodically, mainly since I am always passionate for feedback. I do not want to rush the creation of any songs, so updates will come as soon as I am pleased with my current product. Feel free to send plenty of reviews, and I hope you enjoy Quite Surmountable.  
  
*-*  
  
Dramatis Personae  
  
(Note that some characters may not be used except as background.)  
  
The 4th-grade class:  
  
Arnold- A thoughtful and caring boy who lives with his grandparents in a boarding house  
  
Helga- Rebellious and poetic girl in love with Arnold  
  
Gerald- Arnold's best friend and storyteller  
  
Phoebe- Very quiet and intelligent; the best friend of Helga  
  
Rhonda- The most popular girl in school and very high-ranking in fashion  
  
Nadine- Rhonda's best friend, a bug-collector and nature-lover  
  
Sid- The class clown who often suffers from paranoia  
  
Stinky- Sid's best friend, a slow southern boy with a good heart  
  
Lila- Target of Arnold and Stinky; considered "perfect" by many  
  
Eugene- Clumsy boy with a passion for art and singing  
  
Sheena- Peace-loving student who loves Eugene  
  
Peapod Kid- Very rich and intelligent, has hidden feelings of romance  
  
Lorenzo- Rich kid with too busy of a schedule  
  
Park- Best friend of Peapod Kid and is very streetwise  
  
Brainy- Boy with a breathing problem, but loves Helga deeply  
  
Billy- Bizarre kid who sits in the back of the class  
  
Joey- Often maniacal, who plots things in secret  
  
Katrinka- Sickly student who is often absent  
  
The suitors:  
  
Harold- Food-loving student who is constantly scared and confused  
  
Curly- An often-psychotic individual who obsesses with animals and Rhonda  
  
Robert- A hidden shadow much of the time, waiting for his chance to show his charm  
  
The faculty:  
  
Mr. Simmons- The teacher at P. S. 118 for 4th grade  
  
Principal Wartz- The principal for the school, a slightly odd individual  
  
Mr. Packenham- Fifth-grade teacher who is often visiting other classes  
  
Murry- The surly bus driver with little ambition  
  
Others:  
  
Wolfgang- Evil fifth-grade bully out to harass Arnold and his friends  
  
Edmund- Wolfgang's mindless stooge  
  
Ruth McDougal- 6th-grade girl that is the target of Sid's affections  
  
Monkeyman- Town superhero who helps when bullying occurs  
  
Jolly-Olly Man- Ice cream vendor with a bad attitude  
  
Mr. Green- A friendly man who owns a butcher shop  
  
Harvey- The happy, blues-singing mailman  
  
Ms. Vitello- Elderly lady with a flower shop  
  
-The families of the students  
  
-The various park workers  
  
-The boarders at Arnold's boarding house 


	2. Act 1, Scene 1

Act I  
  
Scene 1: Arnold's rooftop; a chilly evening in Early February.  
  
(The curtain opens upon ARNOLD, who is looking down upon the various townspeople moving across Vine Street and past his boarding house, The Sunset Arms. It is beginning to be nighttime, as characterized by the setting Sun. Arnold is dressed in his usual clothing, a blue, long-sleeved shirt over a plaid shirt and jeans. He seems more depressed than usual, and hangs his head low to the ground.)  
  
ARNOLD (still looking around while sitting on a chair planted on the roof, to himself): Man, it must be great to be an adult. You get to wander the streets, avoid school, and usually even do what you want to when you grow up. They walk around down there, every day, like they do not have a care in the world. Everything comes so easy for them.  
  
(ARNOLD walks over to the end of the roof, and leans upon the ledge.)  
  
Everyone's always telling me that life is so wonderful as a kid. We have no true responsibilities and no cares. Sometimes I wonder whether or not those people were even children at one time or another. I'm always stressing over either homework or some problem one of my friends has burdened me with. I already have the world on my shoulders, and I'm only nine. (As he finishes his sentence, LILA enters and skips along the end of Vine Street. She begins to move closer, but Arnold has yet to notice). I spend my entire life doing what everyone else wants. (He finally notices the redheaded girl approaching, and nearly falls off the roof while trying to catch a glimpse of her). Then when I find the one thing I want for myself, I can't have it.  
  
(Song: "Simple Wish". As ARNOLD sings, LILA moves further down the street until she disappears at the final verse. The city also grows progressively darker.)  
  
ARNOLD: Wandering alone  
  
Hoping this could be that one  
  
*-*  
  
I'm weak, not flawless  
  
I'm bleak, gone lawless  
  
My life is dimming  
  
The world is losing light  
  
*-*  
  
I'm loved, but lonely  
  
Different, yet homely  
  
I don't want to be perfect  
  
I just want to find perfection in you  
  
And everything you do or say  
  
*-*  
  
Cause I don't want to be the greatest guy  
  
But I don't want to be the one that always screams and cries  
  
All I want is to be with you  
  
To have you in my sight  
  
And that is just a simple wish  
  
Of a lonely guy tonight  
  
(ARNOLD stands up, and the wind blows his blonde hair back as he continues.)  
  
*-*  
  
I'm lost, can't find you  
  
Yet still I love you  
  
This world's so listless  
  
It's hard to find your place  
  
*-*  
  
I'm known, accomplished  
  
Yet you don't notice  
  
But I don't want to be anxious  
  
But I just want to know the next words you say  
  
I dream about you night and day  
  
*-*  
  
I don't want to be ranked number one  
  
And I don't want the riches; fame  
  
When it's all said and done  
  
Cause my thoughts are running deep of you  
  
You are all that I can see  
  
For I want to be inside your heart  
  
For as long as we can be  
  
All I want is to be with you  
  
To have you in my sight  
  
And that is just a simple wish  
  
Of a lonely guy tonight  
  
(LILA turns towards The Sunset Arms, but does not see ARNOLD. This entices his singing to grow in intensity. LILA walks away shortly after.)  
  
*-*  
  
When everything is gone  
  
And when the wait is long  
  
I will never turn my back on you  
  
I would never do you wrong  
  
So when that day will come with grace  
  
And I can see your pretty face  
  
The Sun will shine; the day renewed  
  
It'll be the day when I'm with you  
  
*-*  
  
I don't have to be perfect  
  
All I know is I'll find perfection in love  
  
I can't be lost in you enough  
  
*-*  
  
I won't have to the greatest guy  
  
Cause I know that soon enough I commence to cry  
  
But they'll be tears of joy, cause you're with me  
  
That moment has come finally  
  
We're together, unexpectedly  
  
All I want is to be with you  
  
It is my deepest plight  
  
All I want is to be with you  
  
To be brightened by your light  
  
All I want is to be with you  
  
To have you in my sight  
  
And thus remains this simple wish  
  
Of a lonely guy tonight  
  
*-*  
  
(Song ends. The streetlights are turned on throughout Vine Street while ARNOLD climbs back into his chair. LILA has vanished from sight.)  
  
ARNOLD (dejectedly): Maybe nothing will ever happen. Maybe life is just a horrible dream that will never end.  
  
(The window opens from the third-story bedroom, and GRANDPA PHIL enters. He is an elderly man in his early eighties, but his age is barely noticeable from his personality. He is wearing pants and a t-shirt, with suspenders keeping his pants from dragging the ground.)  
  
PHIL: Hey there, short man. What are you doing out here on a morning so cold and listless? Pookie has made a berry cobbler, and it is yummy. I know it's going to come back to haunt me later, but it sure feels good now.  
  
ARNOLD (looks up to acknowledge is grandfather's arrival): I don't know, Grandpa. It's just that-  
  
PHIL (interrupting emphatically): Oh no! Don't tell me that it's another one of your boyhood problems! I know, it has to do with the ugly girl with the scowl and the one eyebrow! I told you she likes you.  
  
ARNOLD (shaking his head in frustration): No, it has nothing to do with Helga, or even with any of my other friends.  
  
PHIL: Then what's the problem? You're one of the most popular kids in school! You have tons of friends, and every one of them seems to like you just fine. I don't see how a kid like you can have any complaints. Try working in a coal mine, and then I'll let you complain about your problems.  
  
ARNOLD (upset and incoherent): You see, Grandpa? That's exactly the problem! I spend all of my time helping other people that I barely manage to find time for myself! I can't worry about my own.stuff.  
  
PHIL (crouches at his grandson's side) Now Arnold, just remember that life is like a bowl of cherries, you.(stops for a moment to think about what he has just said) Ah, heck, nobody really knows what that means. The point is, short man, you should worry about yourself just as much as any other kids. Don't be afraid to take risks, and give life all you got from morning 'til night. Take that berry cobbler for instance. I know that two minutes from now I'm going to be having a long conversation with the toilet fairy, but for now, I'm as happy as a clown! Don't worry so much, Arnold. Nobody's putting their life in your hands (he pats ARNOLD on the back).  
  
ARNOLD (smiles): Thanks, Grandpa. I feel much better now.  
  
PHIL: Glad to hear it, short man (his stomach gurgles). Now it you'll excuse me, I have some important business to attend to! (PHIL exits quickly)  
  
ARNOLD (to himself): I guess I can always count on Grandpa for something. (He takes one last look at the city below him before climbing down into his room and closing the window. The lights shut off quickly.) 


	3. Act 1, Scene 2

Note: As you read on through the play, be sure to check the dramatis personae, as I will probably be altering the character list as I go along. Be sure to send some reviews!  
  
Scene 2: The classroom of Mr. Simmons, early morning.  
  
(It is the following day, Wednesday, February the 12th. Mr. Simmons has yet to arrive, and ARNOLD is seen entering the classroom with GERALD and ROBERT. They are each holding a sheet of paper in front of them while carrying their backpacks. Each one is dressed in their normal school clothes, for this is just an ordinary day for the three students.)  
  
(When entering the classroom, several students (including HAROLD, SHEENA, PHOEBE, PARK, PEAPOD KID, STINKY, SID, and JOEY. More continue to enter throughout the scene.)  
  
(GERALD looks around the classroom for Mr. Simmons, then whispers to ARNOLD.)  
  
GERALD: Hey, Arnold? What did you get for number 7 on the history review?  
  
ARNOLD (glancing down at his sheet of paper) I think the answer is John Adams. What did you get, Robert?  
  
(ROBERT clutches his paper close to his chest, and begins to stutter.)  
  
ROBERT: Well, um, I got.uh.  
  
GERALD (while snatches the paper from ROBERT's grasp.) Let me see here. (He looks down at question 7) Rhonda? (ARNOLD leans over to gaze at the review, as well.)  
  
ARNOLD: Hey, that's what he got for numbers 8 and 9, too.  
  
ROBERT (in protest): Hey, I was having a tough time concentrating on my work last night, okay? (GERALD hands him his paper, and shakes his head at his friend. They each sit down in their desks, which are located in the back of the class. LILA enters, and ARNOLD is lost during the remainder of the conversation.)  
  
GERALD: Mm, mm, mm! I am telling you, man, if you don't get over this whole "I'm shy, nobody look at me" thing, you aren't ever gonna get a girl to go out with you, especially one as popular and superficial as Rhonda Lloyd.  
  
(RHONDA enters, closely followed by CURLY. NADINE enters shortly after, and attempts to keep CURLY away from her friend.)  
  
ROBERT (quieter now that RHONDA is present): Plus she has Curly chasing her, along with some other admirers I probably don't know about.  
  
(CURLY is climbing on desks, trying to get a good whiff of RHONDA's hair.)  
  
CURLY (joyfully): Mm, I understand you used the peach mango this morning!  
  
RHONDA (angrily) Will you get away, you disgusting troll! (She pushes CURLY off of the desk, and he falls on top of PHOEBE, who slaps him.)  
  
ARNOLD (pointing): See? It's not like you really have that much competition. (ROBERT sighs.)  
  
ROBERT: I know, but still.(ROBERT is interrupted by a loud voice entering the classroom; a voice that belongs to none other than EUGENE. At the time of his entrance, all students are sitting in their respective seats, almost as if EUGENE is the teacher.)  
  
EUGENE (peppy as usual): Hi, guys! Isn't it such a beautiful day to be in school! The birds are singing, and there isn't a cloud in the sky!  
  
HAROLD (from his desk at the front of the class): Shut up, Eugene! School isn't fun, it's stupid! All we do is sit up here and listen to Mr. Simmons talk about something girly, and stupid, and it makes me want to pound him! (STINKY nudges HAROLD from behind.)  
  
STINKY: I reckon I'm here for the Mr. Nutty candy bars the lunch ladies give me. That and.(he begins to go off into a trance) lemon puddin'.  
  
EUGENE (in protest) But school is a wonderful place to be! Isn't anyone curious about learning anything new?  
  
PEAPOD KID: I am terribly sure my mind already contains any knowledge that this particular classroom could inform to me.  
  
STINKY: And I don't wanna know what he teaches us, on account of I'm simply here for the Mr. Nutty candy bars the lunch ladies give me. That and.(he goes off again) lemon puddin'.  
  
EUGENE: Well I, for one, am beaming just to know what Mr. Simmons is going to tell us today. In fact, it makes me want to sing! (GERALD and SID hit their heads against their desks, realizing that there is no turning back now.)  
  
GERALD: Oh, somebody help us.  
  
(Song: "What are We Going to Learn Today?" While the class tried to initially ignore EUGENE, more of them join in as the song progresses. The song starts out slow, but gets faster as momentum increases. EUGENE stands in the center of the classroom at the song's beginning.)  
  
*-*  
  
EUGENE: What are we going to learn today?  
  
What is he going to say?  
  
Is it something exciting,  
  
Demanding, inspiring,  
  
Or is it even something  
  
That we'll have trouble finding?  
  
*-*  
  
(EUGENE begins to move down the rows while continuing. HAROLD continues the song, singing without even realizing it.)  
  
HAROLD: What are we going to learn today?  
  
Will I understand it okay,  
  
Or is it something confounding,  
  
Confusion resounding  
  
That maybe when we're done  
  
I'll do some serious pounding?  
  
*-*  
  
EUGENE: Is the lesson going to be fun?  
  
HAROLD: Am I going to understand it?  
  
*-*  
  
(PEAPOD KID stands up, and continues with the next portion. His singing is more like rhythmical speaking, but he shakes his pen while he talks.)  
  
PEAPOD KID: Well it's quite surmountable  
  
Learning is probable  
  
It may only take some time  
  
For when you comprehend  
  
The problems you can defend  
  
Then it'll be time to shine  
  
*-*  
  
(RHONDA sits nervously at her desk, knowing that Curly is staring at her from behind.)  
  
RHONDA: I hope we learn something good today  
  
So he'll find another hobby  
  
CURLY: But I am content with you right now  
  
You are so pretty, sweet baby  
  
RHONDA (speaking): Ugh! Don't call me that!  
  
*-*  
  
(EUGENE takes Mr. Simmons' pointer out from behind his desk, and begins to dance around with it in his hand.)  
  
EUGENE: What are we going to learn today?  
  
Are we going to find a way  
  
To study some science  
  
Then political bias  
  
To still have the time to see  
  
Just who swings the highest?  
  
*-*  
  
(SID points to the door across the classroom.)  
  
SID (yelling) He's here!  
  
(MR.SIMMONS enters the class wearing his usual clothes, along with his bright, chipper, personality. The music to the song continues to play.)  
  
SIMMONS: Hello, class!  
  
(The class replies "Hello" in each of their own "special" ways. The greetings are quickly overlapped by the following verse.)  
  
ALL STUDENTS (while pounding their hands against their desks): Tell us, tell us  
  
Tell us, tell us  
  
Tell us, and tell us now (The students stand up on their desks and hop around while continuing to sing.)  
  
*-*  
  
STUDENTS: What are we going to learn to learn today?  
  
Will we understand it okay?  
  
Are we studying subtraction,  
  
Or Germany's factions  
  
And maybe when they're over  
  
Will we learn some contractions?  
  
*-*  
  
SIMMONS (grabbing his pointer from EUGENE): Well, they're quite surmountable  
  
Learning is probable  
  
It may only take some time  
  
For once you comprehend  
  
The problems you can defend  
  
Then it'll be time to shine  
  
(The STUDENTS cheer while SIMMONS continues)  
  
Well, here's what we're going to learn today  
  
Here's what I'm going to say  
  
We will analyze Shakespeare  
  
The tragedy King Lear  
  
And maybe once we've finished  
  
(Slowly) Some knowledge will appear  
  
*-*  
  
STUDENTS (Slowly) Knowledge will appear  
  
Knowledge will appear  
  
Knowledge will appear  
  
With Mr. Simmons right  
  
With Mr. Simmons right here!  
  
(The STUDENTS, along with SIMMONS, begin to move about the classroom, banging on desks and climbing on chairs.)  
  
*-*  
  
ALL: So that's what we're going to learn today  
  
That's what he's going to say  
  
It might be something exciting  
  
Demanding, inspiring  
  
And through every failure  
  
We will keep our motives  
  
HAROLD (speaking): Such as making it until lunch.  
  
ALL: We will keep out motives  
  
High  
  
*-*  
  
(After a hold on last word, the song ends, and the STUDENTS climb back into their respective desks.)  
  
STINKY (suddenly): Hey, where's Helga?  
  
(Scene ends on one last note. Freeze.) 


	4. Act 1, Scene 3

Note: Sorry for the long wait (I've been out of town for a little while, along with doing homework). I went ahead and posted 2 scenes at once (since this one is so short), so you can check out scene 4, as well.  
  
Scene 3: The living room of Helga G. Pataki, 10:30am.  
  
(BIG BOB and MIRIAM PATAKI are seen on the couch in their living room. They do not speak, but simply stare at the glow of the television. After a few seconds their daughter, HELGA, bursts into the room, flustered and with her hair barely combed.)  
  
HELGA: Bob! Miriam! What is wrong with you people!  
  
BOB (turning around suddenly): Quiet, Olga, we're watching my soap. (HELGA runs over and shakes BOB.)  
  
HELGA: It's Helga, Bob, and don't you realize it is ten-thirty! I am late for school! Why is it that on this particular morning nobody bothered to wake me up?  
  
MIRIAM (casually): Oh, don't worry, Helga. Today is Saturday, and they don't usually have school on Saturdays.I think.  
  
HELGA (even more frustrated): No, today is Wednesday, Miriam! We always have school on Wednesday! Now is somebody going to get off their butt and take me to school? I already have to go without lunch.  
  
MIRIAM (without even turning around): I'm sorry, dear, but I can't take you to school. I have important things to.(she trails off and continues watching the TV. BOB glances at HELGA briefly.)  
  
BOB: Why don't you just walk? It'll do a kid like you some good.  
  
HELGA (protesting): But it will take me an hour just to get there.  
  
BOB: Then you better start walking, little missy. (BOB pouts) That's all you kids ever do anymore: whine. (HELGA groans and storms to the door.)  
  
HELGA: Goodbye, Bob. (Much quieter, to herself) The things that I do to see you, Arnold. (The room suddenly fades to black.) 


	5. Act 1, Scene 4

Scene 4: The Hallways of P. S. 118, 11:30.  
  
(Through the front doors you see HELGA enter. She is extremely frustrated, but looks exhausted after the long walk. It has started to rain outside, so she is throwing water off of her while moving forward. The hallways are empty.)  
  
HELGA (spitefully, to herself): You would think that they would at least care enough about me to give me an umbrella. (She pats down her hair) Well, Helga girl, you gotta get yourself ready for another day of tormenting your fellow classmates.  
  
(She walks over to the gym door and sees her class playing dodge ball. In the corner she sees ARNOLD, and flings herself up against the wall while still peeking through the window.)  
  
If Only I didn't have to torment you. Every day it's the same thing, Arnold, I pick on you and call you terrible names, and all the while I have such feelings of unrequited love built inside of me that I just wish I could scream at you. If only I wasn't so afraid of what you'd think.  
  
(Song: "Different". The song is at a slow, but driving, tempo, and is sung mostly by HELGA.)  
  
HELGA: Waking up late, walking to school  
  
There's never a change here  
  
Every day's a ritual  
  
The cycle stays the same  
  
I bully through the hallways  
  
And call my classmates names  
  
*-*  
  
Especially you, my Arnold  
  
You are higher than the rest  
  
But when I get near to you  
  
I am nothing but a pest  
  
*-*  
  
(Slower) I wish I could be different  
  
I wish I could be sweet  
  
To show my love to Arnold  
  
And everyone I meet  
  
But it's hard to alter formulas  
  
I'm unsure if I can  
  
I don't want to be malevolent  
  
But that's who they think I am  
  
*-*  
  
(She glances into the window at ARNOLD.)  
  
I look at you, sweet Arnold  
  
The nicest boy around  
  
But while I am enamored  
  
Your face I want to pound  
  
For I never understand this world  
  
Of all its tricky ways  
  
Of how the person you despise the most  
  
Can be the one you love today  
  
*-*  
  
I'm sorry my parents are so cruel  
  
I wish they weren't so tough  
  
So maybe I'd find it innately  
  
The feeling known as love  
  
*-*  
  
(HELGA clutches her picture of ARNOLD close to her.)  
  
I wish I could be different  
  
Be like those other girls  
  
Who are so pretty and munificent  
  
With their hair in bouncy curls  
  
But I've traveled down another road  
  
That my parents made me start  
  
But I could change if you were here  
  
If you'd find it in your heart  
  
*-*  
  
I could be beautiful and kind  
  
You'd be the first thing on my mind  
  
I wouldn't be just so demure  
  
To let my heart unwind  
  
But it's hard to turn the tables now  
  
I'm unsure if I can  
  
I don't like being villainous  
  
But that's who they think I am  
  
*-*  
  
(Almost out of nowhere, MR. SIMMONS enters.)  
  
SIMMONS: I know that you can change, my friend  
  
I've seen the poems you've wrote  
  
Just be nicer to dear Arnold then  
  
Start on a higher note  
  
You can be real special, now  
  
Every person can  
  
And if it doesn't work somehow  
  
Then find another plan  
  
*-*  
  
(HELGA nearly goes ballistic, and hits her fist against the wall.)  
  
HELGA (speaking): What are you doing, Granola Boy? If I needed someone for advice, I would have asked for it!  
  
SIMMONS (embarrassed, almost as if he has no power over HELGA): Sorry, Helga.I'll just see you in class in a few minutes. Be sure you bring a note from the office since you were late. (SIMMONS leaves in a hurry.)  
  
(Alone again, HELGA turns her attention to ARNOLD and the gym.)  
  
HELGA: I wish I could be different  
  
And steal my Arnold's heart  
  
Be close to him, and hold his hand  
  
And never, ever part  
  
But it's hard to start on a clean slate  
  
I don't know if I can  
  
For I don't want show apathy  
  
But that's who they think I am  
  
*-*  
  
(Song ends. The bell rings, and the STUDENTS are released from the gym. While they rush out, HELGA is not paying attention and ARNOLD slams into her. HELGA hits the ground.)  
  
ARNOLD: Are you okay, Helga? (He offers a hand to lift her up. Helga shoves it away.)  
  
HELGA (spitefully): Of course I'm okay, Arnold. I'd be even better if you started to watch where you were going, you moron. (HELGA climbs up.)  
  
ARNOLD (somewhat sarcastic): Sorry. (ARNOLD walks towards the classroom, and HELGA waits for PHOEBE, who arrives shortly.)  
  
HELGA: Hey Phoebes, what's going on? (She slaps PHOEBE on the back.)  
  
PHOEBE: I'm doing fine Helga, but I noticed that you were not present earlier.  
  
HELGA: Yeah, I had a dentist appointment. Now anyway, about that history assignment.(HELGA continues to talk to PHOEBE while they walk towards the classroom. While they talk, the lights begin to fade until finally the hall is black.)  
  
Note: I hope you like the story so far, and be sure to send some reviews! 


	6. Act 1, Scene 5

Scene 5: The Classroom of Mr. Simmons, 11:45am.  
  
(The STUDENTS enter the classroom systematically, and SID and STINKY are seen chatting on the right side of the classroom as they head to their respective desks. The students are given fifteen minutes of free time here, so SID and STINKY continue to talk after taking their seats.)  
  
STINKY: Gosh almighty. I never though playing dodge ball would be so.endangering.  
  
SID: Well, my friend, you learn something new every day. (Elbowing STINKY lightly) Speaking of which, guess what my dad told me last night?  
  
STINKY: That you were bringing.(dreamily) lemon pudding to school?  
  
SID: Yeah, it was-(takes a moment to realize his mistake) No, Stinky you dope! He did teach me something else, though; and it's pretty wicked awesome.  
  
STINKY (perplexed): What is it?  
  
SID: Well, let's just say it involves a potato and a microwave.  
  
(Song: "Kablooie". The song is set at an upbeat, freeform, and jazzy tempo, and is sung primarily by SID.)  
  
SID: Well, my father was telling me one day  
  
About when he about my very age  
  
And for our acts of craziness  
  
It was days like this that set our stage  
  
*-*  
  
(Slower) The scene: lunch. The people are in bunches  
  
Crowds and masses, nothing original  
  
But then, that very moment, my father had a hunch  
  
And he turned something gray  
  
Into something his friends would  
  
Remember every day  
  
*-*  
  
STINKY (speaking): What'd he do?  
  
SID (speaking): Hold on, I'll get to it. (He remains sitting in his desk, but motions with his hands while he continues to sing.)  
  
SID: He took a small potato  
  
Found in his own backyard  
  
He unwrapped it very carefully  
  
And stuck it in the microwave  
  
To warm it up a bit  
  
And then an idea came into his head.  
  
*-*  
  
(SID sits up as straight as possibly in his chair.)  
  
SID: He sets the timer for far too long  
  
And before anyone can know what was wrong  
  
STINKY (speaking, but still in time with the music): What happened?  
  
*-*  
  
SID (With a major jump into the air. The tempo speeds up.):  
  
It went kablooie!  
  
It went kaboom!  
  
Potato went all over  
  
That stinking room  
  
It took quite a while  
  
To clean it up  
  
The inside was mushy  
  
And the skin was rough  
  
The kids were all laughing  
  
The punishment severe  
  
But my father knew  
  
It was the greatest thing ever  
  
*-*  
  
STINKY (still confused): And it went kablooie!  
  
SID: (speaking): Yes! It went kablooie! And, boy howdy, they're having baked potatoes at lunch!  
  
(Singing again) So when they put those on our tray  
  
We know we'll be having some fun today  
  
*-*  
  
(Meanwhile, JOEY overhears most of the conversation while sitting behind them. As soon as SID stops singing at this point, JOEY speaks loudly.)  
  
JOEY: Oh, awesome! You guys are going to blow up a potato in the microwave?  
  
SID (nodding in approval): Yep.  
  
STINKY: According to Sid, I reckon that's the plan. (JOEY begins gritting his teeth together, making his large gap in his mouth even more exposed.)  
  
JOEY (very desperate and conniving): Well, I figure in a situation like this you guys may need some help. I can get you extra potatoes with my mom being a lunch lady and all.  
  
SID: Thanks but no thanks. We're a dynamic duo, not a terrible trio. We don't need help from anyone, especially you. (JOEY is angry, and sulks down into his chair while pounding on the desks. SID ignores him.) So anyway, Stinky, as I was telling you.  
  
It went kablooie!  
  
It went kaboom!  
  
Potato went all over  
  
That stinking room  
  
It took quite a while  
  
To clean it up  
  
The inside was mushy  
  
And the skin was rough  
  
Even though we'll be laughed at  
  
Our punishment severe  
  
We secretly know  
  
It'll be the greatest thing ever  
  
*-*  
  
(Softly) So when they put those on our tray  
  
We know we'll be having some fun today  
  
*-*  
  
(SID crashes back down into his desk. The song ends abruptly as MR. SIMMONS enters the classroom.)  
  
MR. SIMMONS: All right, boys and girls, listening ears. (The STUDENTS become silent after a few moments. SIMMONS continues.) Before we all go to lunch, I have a very special announcement. With the realization that this Friday is a special teacher in-service day, we will be holding our Valentine's Day party tomorrow! So be sure to bring all of your favorite valentines to share with the class.  
  
HAROLD (very obnoxiously): Hey, Eugene! Are your valentines going to have little ponies on them? (HAROLD laughs loudly, and EUGENE blushes.)  
  
SIMMONS (stern): Now Harold, that was not very nice. Tell Eugene you are sorry. (HAROLD turns around sarcastically to EUGENE.)  
  
HAROLD: Sorry, Eugene. (SIMMONS waits for a moment, and continues his speech.)  
  
SIMMONS: All right, now that we have that taken care of, I have another wonderful announcement. While we have no school on this great day of love and romance (some of the STUDENTS groan), P. S. 118 is very proud to host the first annual Cupid's Arrow Valentine's Day Dance! (More STUDENTS groan at this mentioning) Now, remember the holiday spirit! This dance will be Friday at 7pm in the cafeteria, and all students of P. S. 118 are welcome, free of charge! This will hopefully be a fun evening with dancing, socializing, and free refreshments.  
  
HELGA (sarcastically): Well, it looks like Pink Boy will be making an appearance, after all. (Surprisingly, HAROLD merits no response to the comment.)  
  
SIMMONS: Be sure to find that extra special someone to take now, since you never know when you'll get another chance! With that, you all are dismissed for lunch. (Most STUDENTS make a mad dash for the doorway, and SID and STINKY are seen tagging behind.)  
  
SID (perplexed): Boy howdy, a school dance! I don't know of who to bring.  
  
STINKY: I reckon I'll take along miss Lila, on account of she's the purdiest girl in the whole darn school.  
  
SID: Well, that's just great, Stinky, but it does not solve MY problem. Maybe I'll take along Nadine or Ruth.I'm sure thousands of women would swoon at the chance of spending an evening with me.  
  
STINKY: I suppose so.  
  
SID: Anyway, I guess we should hold off on blowing up the microwave until Monday. Some of the ladies might think we're immature.  
  
STINKY: Gosh. (He shrugs) If you say so, Sid.  
  
(SID and STINKY exit, leaving MR. SIMMONS the only person left in the classroom. Whistling to himself, he grabs his lunch bag and exits the class, turning off the lights.)  
  
*-*  
  
Note: Thanks for the reviews so far. This was a pretty silly scene, but it does actually have some importance. Keep reading; things will be falling into place very soon. 


End file.
